I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
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