is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
These tits shall not be calmed
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
