Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize