Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
