TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
