our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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