We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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