Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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