Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
