these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
