I feel great
I just peed on a car
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
A bitchslap is in order.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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