I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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