so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
