you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
