who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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