how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
