She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
