Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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