Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
