someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
