Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
