you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
