I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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