I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
When did angry sex become our thing?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
