new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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