I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize