You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
