I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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