It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
