atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Randomize
