Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize