Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
it glows. i had to have it.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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