I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Randomize
