i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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