I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
