there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
