i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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