He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
