using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
