May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
