Moan for me like Helen Keller
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize