I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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