R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
