i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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