I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
