I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
