I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
