handjob tips. give me some.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
