If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
