No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
