if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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