Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
