I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
