If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
