She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
