I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
