yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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