her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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