new low.... made out with someone while peeing
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
the raccoons are back...
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