so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
