So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
