She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
