He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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