My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
