I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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