anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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