Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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