Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Randomize
