I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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