Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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