How'd it feel making her break her religion?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
