yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
