apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
