Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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