All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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