just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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