No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
