i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize
