threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm gonna fight the coyote
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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