East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
