dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
