We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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