And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Randomize
