How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
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