also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
