or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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