so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
