my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
