Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
