Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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