their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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