I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
