I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
