Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
