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You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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