I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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