I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
