Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Randomize
