that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
