i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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