As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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