Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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