You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
