If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
