Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
