and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Also, beer. Big fan.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Randomize
