i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
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