Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
