he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
All I want is dick and wine.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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