we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
